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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29757669">With You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/heeseung_is_my_twin/pseuds/heeseung_is_my_twin'>heeseung_is_my_twin</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>ENHYPEN (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Angst, Childhood Friends, I don't know what I'm doing, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Not Really Character Death, Oneshot, Self-Indulgent, Sunseng, best friends brother, heenoo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 23:27:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,356</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29757669</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/heeseung_is_my_twin/pseuds/heeseung_is_my_twin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Heeseung wanted to curse the fault in his stars, scream and complain about the injustice, beg for more time. But none of that would change anything.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Sunoo/Lee Heeseung</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>43</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>With You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Whoever said that unsaid goodbyes hurt the most, lied. Every goodbye hurts but the one’s where you want to stay hurt like a bullet wound.</p><p> </p><p>Whoever said that goodbyes are easy when you push people away was so stupid. He did everything in his power to push his sunshine, his happiness away. It worked but all that’s left now are gloomy unhappy days.</p><p> </p><p>Now all Heeseung can think about are those days when he held his sunshine in his arms, when Sunoo smiled brightly at him, when they were still together. There’s a constant ache in his heart and it’s not because he’s dying, it’s because he’s not living anymore. Heeseung stopped <em>living </em>the day Sunoo walked away with tears streaming down his face. Sunoo was, <em><span class="u">is</span></em> his happiness. Not a day goes by without Sunoo’s thoughts. Every morning Heeseung wakes up looking more lifeless than before. But he hoped, wished and prayed to every deity that Sunoo was better than him. He wished for Sunoo’s happiness.</p><p> </p><p>Heeseung wanted to curse the fault in his stars, scream and complain about the injustice, beg for more time. But none of that would change the fact that his days where numbered. All he wanted to do was to be in control. He wanted to see the stars with Sunoo and never let him go.</p><p> </p><p>God’s definition of justice and fate was surely messed up. People who want to live, don’t get to and those who don’t deserve to live, keep on living. Heeseung would surely question God’s ways if he got a chance.</p><p> </p><p>Today is Sunoo’s birthday. The same Sunoo whose heart Heeseung crushed. For the first time in his life, Heeseung wasn’t there to celebrate with Sunoo. He wasn’t there to wish him a Happy Birthday and a long life. He wasn’t there to watch the stars with him.</p><p> </p><p>If all this had not happened, Heeseung would have probably surprised Sunoo with a handmade, ugly looking cake, they would have probably laughed at its ugliness and cuddled together watching movies until evening. But everything’s different now.</p><p> </p><p>Somehow the change didn’t stop Heeseung from giving into his whims. He stayed up until late and made Sunoo a card. His artwork wasn’t the best and the card looked as if it was made by a seven year old. Yet it had all the things he wanted to say to the younger. He told himself that he would never really send it to Sunoo, yet he decorated it with stamps and wrote his address in big, bold letters.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Dear Sunshine,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Happy Birthday Love! Today is your day Sunoo-ya. You turn twenty today. Wasn’t it only yesterday when I first saw you as a baby with Sunghoon. You were so tiny and cute, showing off your gums proudly. You’ve been happy and energetic since childhood. You went around calling me ‘Heedeungie hyung', following me around cutely. All three of us used to get ice-creams together. You loved that toothpaste flavored ice-cream and always forced me to have a bite. I had always been protective over you and almost broke that kid’s nose when he bullied you.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em> By the time I turned sixteen, I was certain that my feelings for you were far beyond the level of general friendly protectiveness. But you were Sunghoon’s younger brother and certainly off limits. I think I did a pretty good job at holding my feelings in, except for when you almost kissed Jungwon. That kid is cute and all but seeing you so close to him made me fucking miserable, I wanted to cry in frustration. Thank goodness Sunghoon came in time. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>On your fifteenth birthday, Sunghoon confronted me about my crush on you. I hid it well but best friends have a way of finding secrets. We agreed that I won’t make the first move ever. Your icy brother can be a Fire God whenever he wants.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Things were going on normally until November 23, 2019</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>The day you proposed me. I was shell shocked and elated at the same time. I wanted to say YES so bad but Sunghoon’s promise held me back. Your disappointed face when I didn’t respond to your proposal is embedded in my mind. I’m so sorry Sunoo-ya, you looked so dejected then. I never wanted to hurt you, seeing you like that pained me. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>I begged Sunghoon for one full week, convinced him, ran through all possible scenarios with him. In the end he gave his permission but not before warning me about the consequences in case I hurt you. I guess he’ll come and kill me in my sleep now, but I’m dying anyways so it doesn’t matter. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>I never had a dull moment with you around. Every memory with you was a happy one. If I can somehow reverse time, I promise I’ll make everything perfect. I’ll never tease you, I’ll bring you mint choco ice-cream, I’ll hold you a little tighter, kiss you a little longer and cherish you a lot more. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Isn’t it funny that we made promises of ‘Forever and Always’. I would gladly stay by your side forever but fate is a bitch.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em> My life’s biggest regret would be breaking your heart. I’m sorry Sunoo-ya, I wish I had more time. I wish I didn’t have to hurt you like that. I wish that we could have a happily ever after. I will meet you again, in my next life. We may or may not be Heeseung and Sunoo but I’ll find you. I’ll find you and <strong>NEVER </strong>let you go. I promise Sunoo-ya and I intend to keep this promise even if I need to go against the world for it.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>I’m sorry. I love you forever and always. Please be happy and don’t cry if you ever get to know about me. Please.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>I love you so much.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Yours and Always Yours</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Heeseung Hyung</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>The card was Heeseung’s apology and promise for an alternate, happier ending next time. Even in his sleep, Heeseung held the envelope close to his chest, pretending that it was Sunoo he was holding instead.</p><p> </p><p>Life was unfair to Heeseung, but not cruel. While everyone was sleeping, something had changed.</p><p> </p><p>When Heeseung woke up the next morning, he felt something shift. He groggily opened his eyes, shielding his face from the violent sun rays, coming from the window adjacent to his bed. Very belatedly Heeseung realized that there was no windows in his room at the hospital. He got up with a start, taking in his surroundings.</p><p> </p><p>The room he was in had pale yellow walls decorated with posters and photo frames. There was a desk cluttered with books and stationery. The dresser also had some Polaroids glued on it. In one corner there was a bookshelf, perfectly organized and clean. The room was exactly like his room back at home, every detail matched perfectly.</p><p> </p><p>He decided to look around and slid out of his bed. Something fell out of the covers and landed at feet. He picked it up, it was the card he made for Sunoo last night. Heeseung was beyond troubled now, he even pinched himself to wake up from this <em>dream</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Hyung. Are you up? I brought you breakfast.”</p><p> </p><p><em>That </em>voice. Heeseung automatically sprung to his feet and almost ran to the source of that voice.</p><p> </p><p>Kim Sunoo stood there in the kitchen, sorting through the food items. He looked up and smiled his signature sunshine smile at Heeseung.</p><p> </p><p>“Good morning hyung. Let’s have breakfast, I got you waffles too.”</p><p> </p><p>But Heeseung wasn’t listening to him, he was on his knees sobbing his eyes out, head in his hands. Heeseung’s sobs echoed through the silent apartment. He hiccupped once in a while, apologizing over and over.</p><p> </p><p>Sunoo freaked out seeing Heeseung like that, he dropped to his knees in front of the older and just held him, whispering words of comfort in his ear. Heeseung just kept mumbling sorry over and over again, hugging him back with all his might.</p><p> </p><p>Heeseung didn’t understand what was happening, yet now that he had Sunoo in his arms, he wasn’t planning to let him go.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>HELLOOO!<br/>I was listening to THE FAULT IN OUR STARS by Troye Sivan when I suddenly wanted to write this, this is sorta self indulgent.<br/>I'm not sure if it came out as I had planned.<br/>Do tell me if you like it or not, Negative comments are also welcomed.<br/>I hope you liked it.<br/>At first I thought I would make this a multichapter AU but I have finally decided to leave it just as it is. It's a wrap from my side because I think it's perfect just as it is..... I'm sorry but I think that I'll spoil its beauty by trying to add more<br/>To anyone who was waiting for an update, I'm really sorry🙇♀️<br/>Comments and Kudos' are highly appreciated<br/>Stay safe 💜✨</p></blockquote></div></div>
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